


Black Coffee in Bed

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [18]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: c01e045 Those Who Walk Away, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Gilmore x Vax'ildan, Hurt/Comfort, Hypocrisy, Love Geometry, Love Triangles, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Minor Keyleth/Kashaw Vesh, Minor Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Misunderstandings, Oranges, POV Vax'ildan, Relationship Advice, Self-Esteem Issues, Vaxmore, deep thoughts, gods help you, more gay sex, shut up and kiss me, when Scanlan is your therapist, when your boyfriend is a ray of sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27016609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: Vax sees something that causes the usual rollercoaster of emotions. He has a deep talk with Scanlan, and then Gilmore cheers him up again.Vax tried an ironic smile, but it didn’t seem to fit on his face. “I don’t handle personal--emotional--confrontation very well.”“It’s okay,” Scanlan reassured him with a smile. And walked away, leaving Vax with his jaw on the floor, feeling even worse than before, which he would not have considered possible.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Glorious Retelling [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Black Coffee in Bed

Vax stretched, feeling his bones crack satisfyingly as he made his way down to breakfast. This morning, he felt pleasantly tired and warmed up after the workout he and Gilmore had had. He stopped by Vex’ahlia’s room, but she was already gone. Catching motion from the vicinity of Keyleth’s door, he stealthed in his sister’s doorway, intending to jump out and surprise his sweetheart. 

And then Brother Kashaw emerged from Keyleth’s room. Vax froze in place, watching the two of them murmuring softly to one another in a way that he read as intimate. Keyleth took Kashaw’s arm when they went down to breakfast, looking tired, like she hadn’t slept all night. Vax slid down the door of his sister’s room, all the joy going right out of him. 

Breakfast was a Hero’s Feast, but Vax couldn’t enjoy it. He thought he’d heard something yesterday about Kiki wanting to stay up late and brew potions. Had that been a euphemism? The sumptuous feast was tasteless in his mouth. It may as well have been sawdust. 

As they were finishing up, both Keyleth and Percy fell asleep at the table, which was a bit unusual, but Percival tended to go for days without sleeping, and...Vax had already observed how tired Kiki looked. He got up from the table and walked away when Kashaw went to pick Keyleth up and carry her off--presumably back to bed. Right now, the less Vax knew the better. 

In pain and at a loss, Vax hid in the hallway, waiting for Scanlan to leave so that he could pull the bard aside. It seemed to take forever, but finally Scanlan came strutting out of the dining room, belly-first, clearly full up of Hero’s Feast. Vax stepped out of the shadows. “Heyyyy...buddy.” Acting normal was hard right now.

“Hey, friend-o,” Scanlan replied, sensing something weird was about to happen, and doing his best to mock it in advance. “What’s up?” 

“We don’t talk a lot,” Vax began. 

“Well, we start to and then you leave the room, usually.” Not only did Scanlan always have to have the last word, apparently he had to have the first one, as well. 

Vax tried an ironic smile, but it didn’t seem to fit on his face. “I don’t handle personal--emotional--confrontation very well.” 

“It’s okay,” Scanlan reassured him with a smile. And walked away, leaving Vax with his jaw on the floor, feeling even worse than before, which he would not have considered possible. To his relief, once Scanlan had walked through the nearest door, he came right back. “Just kidding, just kidding.”

“Pull up a chair, sit down, I want to ask you something,” Vax stalled, nervous. 

“I’m already as low as I can go,” Scanlan said, motioning for Vax to sit down. 

“You’re right.” And Vax did. “Um. How do you do it?”

“How do I do what?” Scanlan asked. 

“How do you do it? You’re risking your life as much as anyone in this group; you’re almost dying every day. You’re fucking smiling all the time. How do you do it? You almost died yesterday as well. Why do you do it?” The words all came out in such a rush, Vax wasn’t sure he’d even made sense. But now they were out, he waited, hanging on Scanlan’s words. The gnome always seemed cheerful, no matter the circumstance, and Vax...he just couldn’t understand that. There seemed so little to feel cheerful about. Ever. And especially just now. 

Scanlan gave him a very wise answer about loving his friends and being in a better place now than where he was before. About how most of them had had traumatic early life experiences but now they’d come together and formed their own chosen family. About how no matter how dangerous things became, or if they died tomorrow, joy could still be found in the moment. It was probably very wise, but made no sense at all to Vax. Nor did it help assuage the familiar darkness building inside him. 

Vax confessed to feeling confused, and Scanlan told him it had more to do with how one looked at it than what one was looking at. And then he confessed to having shit in Vax’s bed all those months ago, and left. Leaving Vax stunned and confused, and just a little bit in awe of him, which was his usual reaction to Scanlan. 

Vax was so confused, he’d forgotten to stealth after Scanlan left, and that was how Vex’ahlia found him on her way out of breakfast. “What are you going to do with yourself all day?” she asked, carrying a large bowl of fruit outside for Trinket. 

Seeing her ready to feed someone else reminded Vax. “Oh, fuck. Gilmore!” 

“Oh really?” She raised an inquisitive brow at him. 

“No, that’s not--”  _ Dammit. _ “I promised to bring him breakfast. Is there any food left?” He hurried back to the dining hall. 

“Well, either way, I’m glad to hear you’re speaking again,” Vex’ahlia called after him. 

Seeing the servants beginning to clear the feast away, Vax ran around the table, snatching plates out of their hands and building a tray to the best of his ability from what was left. Lastly, he stole a carafe of coffee and snuck back upstairs, stealthing like a motherfucker once he reached the hall that led to the women’s bedrooms.

“Sorry it took so long,” Vax said, backing in with the full tray. “I--” He turned around and froze, finding Gilmore gloriously nude, standing in front of the window with the washing bowl. Vax quickly kicked the door shut behind him. 

“Hello, lovely boy,” Gilmore glanced over his shoulder to smile at Vax. “Breakfast looks good.” 

“Here.” Vax shoved the tray onto a table and ran over to help Gilmore wash up. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be standing, are you?” 

Gilmore grinned as Vax took the wash cloth and continued wiping him down. “Somehow I find myself with a bit more energy this morning than I’ve had in a day or two.” His grin widened. “Though I can’t say why.”

“Can’t imagine what that means,” Vax smirked. He paused when he got down to Gilmore’s bandages. 

“I can do that bit, if you’re feeling squeamish,” Gilmore offered, seeing Vax hesitate. 

“No, it’s not that, I just…” Vax took Gilmore’s hand and led him back to the bed. “At least sit down. You’re making me nervous.” 

“I know, it’s the lack of clothes, isn’t it?” Gilmore teased, leaning on Vax as he lowered himself carefully to sit at the edge of the bed. 

“It’s true,” Vax smiled a little. “I’ve never seen a nude man before. So shocking.” Gilmore chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. Vax knelt down to unwrap the bandages, hissing when he saw the ugly scar tissue still struggling to knit together. He washed it as gently as he possibly could, watching Gilmore to make sure he wasn’t being too rough.

Maybe it was the discomfort of the situation. Maybe Vax had just needed to do something with his hands so that he could think. Suddenly, the words just came tumbling out. “I think she was with another man last night. I saw them together, leaving her room this morning, going down to breakfast. I thought after--I was hoping she’d finally accepted me, but I guess not. Things in Vasselheim got very weird. I guess...I guess she really likes him.” 

Gilmore tilted Vax’s face up so that he had to look Gilmore in the eye. “Did you speak to her?” 

Vax shook his head. “I tried. After we came back, I tried, but she just said...she was afraid to love me because we’re all going to die, and then she’ll be alone.” 

Gilmore’s expression was interesting as he tried to work out what this meant. Finally, he said, “A ludicrous reason not to love someone, but she is young, after all. You all are.” 

Vax smirked up at him. “Alright, Old Man Time. You know, sometimes you talk like you’re a thousand years old.” 

Gilmore snorted a laugh. “Perish the thought.” He waited for Vax to put on fresh bandages and then pulled him into his lap. “In all seriousness, I’m sorry her words hurt you.” Vax leaned his forehead against Gilmore’s headband and let himself be comforted. “And if she is perchance bedding this other man...how would that make you feel?” 

“Rejected,” Vax said. “Like shit. He’s so much cooler than me.” Vax realized he hadn’t explained to Gilmore yet about Brother Kash. “Hell, I would probably choose him over me, too.” 

“Dearest.” Gilmore brushed Vax’s hair back and stroked his cheek. “I hesitate to point this out, but you despise yourself. I have no doubt you would choose him over you, were you in her place. But you’re not. And I’m asking you to choose yourself for once.” 

“What do you mean?” Vax seemed destined to be confused today. 

Gilmore leaned forward, resting his cheek against Vax’s shoulder. “I mean, I love you. And I’m not the only one who sees how lovely you are. I just wish you could see it, too.” 

“Stop,” Vax protested weakly, feeling uncomfortable. “You’re biased.” 

“Admittedly so,” Gilmore smiled. “But that does not make me wrong.” 

Vax tried to smile. “Well, I was taught to respect my elders…”

“You naughty thing!” Gilmore said, pinching his backside hard.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Vax teased, wiggling in his lap. At which point Gilmore turned and threw him back onto the bed, crawling in after him. “But your wound--” Vax pretended to protest. 

“Shut up and kiss me, you awful awful boy.” 

“You love me,” Vax grinned up at him. 

“I do.” They spent the afternoon distracting one another, until it was time to leave for the Cindergrove. 

Vax asked Gilmore to help him get into the new armor, since he’d struggled so much yesterday. Gilmore’s fingers must just have been more clever than his, because he seemed to find all the snaps and fasteners right away. In less than ten minutes, Vax was fully-girded. He turned this way and that, trying to look at himself in Pike’s gnome-sized mirror. “That’s damned sexy,” Gilmore declared, getting a good look at the rear view from the bed. Vax stuck his ass out and gave it a slap, just for Gilmore. “Don’t tempt me,” he warned. 

“Alright, alright.” Vax walked back to the bed and straddled Gilmore’s lap one last time before heading downstairs. 

“Don’t...forget...to attune it...for fire resistance,” Gilmore reminded him between kisses. “And try not to...do anything...too rash....please.” Vax needed to stop before he was too distracted to leave on time. But Gilmore’s hands on his ass felt good, and his kisses made Vax weak in the knees. 

“You, too,” Vax told him. “Get better. I haven’t forgotten my promise.” 

“You’d better not,” Gilmore growled, giving his neck one last nip before pushing Vax off. “Go, before I decide to keep you.” 

“Alright, alright.” Vax picked up his pack and moved to the door, turning back one last time. “You’re fucking wonderful, you know that?” 

Gilmore gestured expansively, smirking. “Some might say...glorious?” Vax laughed and ran back to kiss him one more time before fleeing the room. Had he been upset earlier? In the span of a few hours, Gilmore had made him forget all about it. 


End file.
